Arrr! Maties. What Happened To Them Thar Action Movies?

This was originally supposed to be posted on the 19th of September

So I was watching Predator on tv the other day.
good action movie.
It sucked me right in. Captivating it is. More so than Sneakers.
Weeell, maybe not. But on the same level at least.
Which brings me to this question: What happened to the action movie?......Arrr!

Part of the blame goes to Bruce Willis and the rest of the cast and crew of Die Hard. Actually, it goes to the people who rip that movie off. Ever since then, all action movies have an everyday joe who has to have emotions and problems.
Fuck that.
Aye, they should walk the plank.

Predator is a classic action movie.
If you don't like, then my friend, you don't like action movies.
It has Ahnold, at his best. Seriously, I think his accent got worse as his career went on.
It has a bunch of 2 dimensional characters that are expendable.
It has Apollo Creed! And it has a kick ass villain.
There be explosions and shoot outs and some nifty effects.
More importantly it doesn't have a bloated over complicated story. No stupid twists and turns. No stupid surprises. And no hero who is bogged down by emotional problems that are only there to give the story a cheap ass heart and to make him relateable to the audience.

How does it make Bond more realatable when he feels sad that he had to kill another bond girl. Oh yah, that happens to me all the time when I go abroad and do a broad. They always end up being on the villains side. Damn those villains for making me kill this girl whom I just slept with.
Now unless you have a shit load of stds, as we can safely assume that bond has, unless he is genetically engineered by Q to be immune to such things, I don't think people have to worry to much about having some random girl dying on them.

I remember when Bad Boys II came out.
People didn't like it that much.
Why? I have no idea. The only movie that entertained me more that entire year was Pirates of the Carribean.
That's some pretty esteemed company, I must say.
It did what it was supposed to. It was everything the first movie was, except more.
More action, more comedy, more chases and more explosions.
Michael Bay knows how to blow shit up.
It was formulaic like you wouldn't believe, but that's fine. It helps the movie more than hurts it.
I went to the bathroom during the movie, something I rarely ever do. Once a movie starts, there is no leaving until it ends.
In this case though, I knew that nothing important was going to happen and that I had some time and right I was.
Only problem with the movie I had was that some of the shots in the movie were only there because they were in the first one.
Bah.

If you haven't noticed, there be some talk of the sea throughout this piece. If you be asking yourself, why?, then I got an answer for ye.
I originally started this on "Talk Like A Pirate Day!"
Why is there such a thing, you ask.
Well, ummm, because. That's why.
If you would also like to participate in such a glorious event, then you might want to brush up on you pirate speak.
And don't worry, we haven't forgotten you crazy Germans.